Discipline?

A booklet was sent home with my two pre-schoolers yesterday; it was titled "How To Shape Or Change Your Childs Behavior". I though it would be interesting so I took a couple minutes to look through it. I was shocked at what I found inside. The basice premise was refocusing the attention you give to your child's (or children's) behavior. The first page stated that children crave attention and will do anything to get it, I completely agreed with this so I kept reading. It went on to say that or society focus most of our attention on the negative, even in our homes; it gave the example of a family member taking out the trash every day for a week then not doing it for one day. In most cases the other family members would not notice the 7 days the trash was taken out, they would only notice the one day it was skipped. I have to say I would probably do the same.

At this point the book was encouraging parents to spend more time acknowleding the good things, to give praise for the things our kids do right especially if we haven't told them to. I am in total support of the booklet up to this point. This year my oldest started first grade at a new school; our mornings have been terrible, full of crying screaming, spanking, etc. On monday this week he got himself up, got dressed , complete with socks and shoes which is our biggest morning struggle (really one of our biggest struggles with him period, his sensory integration issues make socks and shoes a huge ordeal) he made his own lunch and got his back pack ready to go, all before I was out of the shower. You would think he had cured cancer with all the praise I heaped on. I was truly proud of him and thankful that he took the responsibility to get himself ready. It is now wednesday and every day has been this way in the morning. All of the times I had to punish him for a bad morning were not half as effective as the one time I praised him for a job well done.

Then I turned the page to find in big bold letters: "Give attention to good behavior and ignore bad behavior." Ignore bad behavior? I could hardly believe that. The rest of the booklet gave simple ways to encourage good behavior, while continually reinforcing the idea of ignoring the bad behavior. One example it gave was to take a child who has colored on the wall and give her a coloring book instead. This is an example that is very vivid to me as I have four little wall, floor, and everything else artists. I have not yet found a solution to this problem but I can say from experience that ignoring it and giving the child a coloring book is not it!

The thought of ignoring my preschoolers bad behavior is just appaling to me. We are instructed to "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov 22:6 (NASB). I just don't see how we can do that if we don't correct their bad behavior. I am all in favor of encouraging and praising good behavior, if we didn't we would have a bunch of discouraged frustrated children, believing they can do nothing right so why bother trying. But what happens to children who are never corrected? If we don't teach them that certain behaviors are simply unacceptable who will?

The Bible is very clear on how we should discipline our children. Proverbs is full of guidelines for parents. Here are a couple of my favorites regarding correction:"Do not hold back discipline from the child, even though you strike him with the rod he will not die." Prov 23:13 We are called to discipline our children and correct them when they do wrong. "Discipline your son while there is hope, do not desire his death" We need to raise our children right from the start so they will not fall away and die spiritually. If we fail to give them discipline now, they have no hope of developing self discipline. Ignoring a toddlers behavior will lead to ignoring a teenagers behavior. I wonder if the so-called "experts" that encourage parents to ignore a preschoolers bad behavior would also encourage parents to ignore their teenagers drugs, drining, or sexual behavior?

If we dscipline and correct our children now they will grow into disciplined, respectfull, hard working adults. We will be able to raise up a generation the fears the Lord. Our children will be a delight and a joy; "correct your son and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul." Prov 29:11