Self

I have recently been engaged in a deadly battle with self. I have never thought of myself as a me centered person merely because I have never had anything but the lowest opinion of myself. I have always been somewhat of a doormat to others especially my family (parents, brothers and sister) I am daily consumed with thoughts about my inadequacies: "I am not pretty enough," I am not smart enough," "I am not thin enough," "I am not a good enough Christian," "I am not a good enough wife'" "I am not a good enough mother," "I am not a good enough homemaker" etc.

Tonight I realized that all of these thoughts are not only me-centered they are extremely and entirely toxic. I have let myself come between me and God, I have entriely let go of my quiet times reading and meditating on the Word and I have let go of prayer outside of mealtimes and prayer time with the kids. I have become so wrapped up in where I fail that I am blocking out the One who can rescue me from this pit of self pity.

I am writing this tonight with three direct purposes: first to all of my dear friends to whom I have become a negative person so down on life and distracted by self that I have begun to be a burden I sincerely and humbly apologize; second I am asking for prayers, encouragement, and mostly accountability as I embark on a mission to die to self and focus on the Lord first, family second, home third, and others fourth, putting my selfish attitudes completely out of my life and behind me; third to become the person, servant, wife, mother, etc that God has planned and designed me to be.

Thank you all for putting up with me as I have been such a selfish whinny brat!!!

"and He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to some after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who shall save it." Luke 9:23-24 (NASB)