I have, residing in my home, a real-live, genuine "walk"-star. My baby has learned the fine art of walking; in the span of three short weeks she has gone from taking two shaky steps to freely exploring the world on her own two feet. This new accomplishment has opened many new doors to her and has marked the end of an era for me. I realized today that my days of caring for an infant are officially over; my baby days are done. I have to admit I am tearing up as I write this and have been agonizing over this day since the final weeks of my final pregnancy. A very good friend welcomed a new baby girl to her family today as I said goodbye to my baby stage of mothering; it is a bittersweet day for me. As I painstakingly close the book on my last child's infancy, I rejoice with my friend as she finally meets her long awaited baby girl (the third child in their family, first girl)
I have spent the last seven years of my life carrying, birthing, nursing, and caring for my five "babies" and now I hardly know what to do with myself; I feel as though I have lost a part of my identity, I don't know who I am not expecting or caring for a new baby. Through the pain, however, I feel a sense of peace; I feel my family is complete and it is time to start a new journey in parenting. I have never dealt with change and endings well; I do not welcome new challenges and I recoil in the face of changes. Now, standing at the threshold of a major change I feel strong and encouraged; I know who laid the plans and I trust Him completely.
I may have made the choices that led me to where I am, having a baby then another and another and son and so forth; put God laid the plans for my life long before I was born "My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." Psalm 139:15-16 (NASB)Through my inner turmoil I can hear His voice telling me this is not an ending but an exciting new beginning that He has planned for me and I will be okay because I have put my life and my identity into His hands. I am not defined by my children but by my Father, my heavenly Father.
He has laid a plan for me, He is the captain on my new journey. As I put this stage behind me, I begin a new journey; a journey with full nights of sleep, a journey with diminishing diaper duty, a journey full of "firsts" and endless possibilities. This day I have dreaded and agonized over has become an exciting new adventure in mothering; and a daunting responsibility. This is where the real work begins; the work of character building, discipline, training, and, if done right, unfathomable rewards as I watch my children grow in the Lord and walk in His ways.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'" Jer 29:11-13 God has a plan for me and I welcome it. I may battle the sadness every now and then, but I bubble over with joy as I look to the future; I can't wait to hear Emery's first prayer, to watch my children go into the waters of baptism, to see them develop their gifts and talents to serve and glorify him, to teach them his ways and watch them grow in their relationships with their Lord and Savior.
This is not the end, it is a bright and wonderful beginning.
Little Lane's Legacy
9 years ago
3 comments:
Wow. Emery is walking. I can't believe she is that old already! I'll pray for you, and I hope you will not be too sad. :)
You know when you are in the process you don't always realize how hard closing that chapter is going to be... and then comes the question of where do I go from here. But you are right... the plan is already there... you just have to figure it out! Good luck! And congrats on that blessed step!
Well said, Candice. I completely empathize with you, as I am very allergic to change and endings myself. :) I, too, have struggled with seeing my babies grow up, only I am at the other end of the spectrum. This week I saw my "baby"'s first job interview, first driver's test and began working on her high school transcript. I, too, must place her in God's hands and trust that my role in her life isn't quite finished yet. :) We can pray for each other...and trust in God's plan together.
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